An Amazing Story of a Girl Finding her Voice

Carly is amazing girl with autism, who had no voice until she learned to type. She was featured on 20/20 recently. There is a link to the story on Carly’s blog that is very interesting. http://carlysvoice.com/ Her perspective on what she thinks and feels is very insightful.

Parenting Transgender kids

After reading and reviewing I am J by Cris Beam, a story about a transgendered teen, I was deeply touched and saddened by his plight. I know that J’s experience is not uncommon. He faced rejection, homelessness, and danger when he revealed his true self.

I think that of all the GBLT variations, this one may be the hardest for a parent to deal with. As a parent of two queer kids, I know something of the thought redirection that takes place when a parent realizes that their child is not going to follow the dream path that we have for them. In my case, I had mostly guessed, before I knew for sure, and it wasn’t that big of a deal. My oldest told me ten years ago and, although I was okay with it, I remember wishing, at least a little bit, that things could be different. With my youngest, who came out this summer, I can’t imagine wishing him to be anyone other than who he is. (and I wouldn’t change my daughter anymore either.)  But having a trans kid would be harder, I think. As a parent, I think  my kids are perfect. It is a mom thing.  So the idea that something is so wrong with the body that I gave them that they need to change and be someone else would rock me. I’d accept and I would support them, and in the end, I’d be okay, but it would be a difficult thing and I would need to really grow a lot in the process.

I read with interest this inspiring  essay about a dad with a twelve year old transgendered daughter. (http://tinyurl.com/2w2qhj8)

“My 12 year old transgender daughter is my mentor. It’s tough to put into words what a profound impact this small person has had in changing my core values, but since the young age of five, she has unknowingly encouraged me to open my eyes and heart to new ideas. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve watched her experience severe emotional pain and physical frustration, but thanks to support and guidance, I’ve watched as she’s become a confident, happy and healthy child. And as she changed, I changed too.”

What a beautiful story and what a great dad.  He has lucky kids.

I am happy that at least some parents and teachers are becoming more educated about these issues, which allow early intervention, counseling, and medical care.  Another story about this remarkable girl and her family can be found at (http://tinyurl.com/28ox2cq )

I am J by Cris Beam

J, AKA Jeni is a 17 year-old transgendered teen. The writing style of  referring to J as “he” really put me into the mindset of the character. When an adult or teen would refer to him as a girl or call him by the name of Jeni, I was startled and disoriented, much the same as I expect that J felt in the story.

J has lived in an ambiguous life, wearing hats and clothing that hide his body.  Many people think he is a lesbian. He is afraid (and for very good reason it turns out) to reveal who he really is to his family and friends. When he becomes determined to live his life as a man, he finds some allies and unexpected friends who help him. He also finds that his parents are not ready to accept him for who he is.  He is forced to do a lot of educating people about being transgender, what is it and also what it isn’t.

I really loved this book. I wanted to adopt J and comfort him and tell him everything would be all right—even though I knew that his life would not be an easy one. I wanted to shake his parents—and comfort them too.  They handled his coming out badly, but I don’t think that they had the capacity or knowledge to understand. I felt sorry for them that their ignorance, prejudice and confusion got in the way of loving and supporting their child.

I recommend this book to all adults and teens, whether they are touched by GLBT issues or not, because it is a subject we need to understand and be aware of so that kids like J have support, love and acceptance.  It is also a poignant story of being true to self that all readers can relate to and learn from.

Recommended for ages 15 and up. Published by Little, Brown and Company Reviewed from an Advanced Reading Copy. Publication date: March 2011

Another view of Anything But Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin

While I was nosing around looking at what other reviewers wrote about Anything but Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin, I came upon a review by Ulyyf “Connie” on Amazon reviews (http://tinyurl.com/256fekc) Connie raises a good point; books written by neurotypical people about people with autism run a huge risk of being inaccurate and/or insensitive to people with autism

Many authors who write characters with autism have some real life experience with  ASDs. Kathryn Erskine, author of Mockingbird, (http://wp.me/sYHNm-18) has a child with ASD and Mark Haddon, author of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time taught students with ASD.  I think that  for those of us who  work and live with people on the spectrum, caution should be taken when reading anything written about ASDs or purporting to be from the point of view of an autistic character.  It is probably not a bad idea to keep in mind that even a book written by a person on the spectrum speaks only for that particular person and not for the whole population. In my experience, people with autism spectrum disorders, while sharing some common characteristics in widely varying degrees, come in all flavors and sizes–just like everyone else.

Connie brings up several interesting points in her review:

“Well, here’s my big problem. I’m concerned that people are going to read this book, they’re going to read that Dog in the Nighttime book, and they’re going to say “Autism, if it doesn’t make you like Rain Man or Susan in that BSC book then it makes you like those asocial losers”.

It is true that a new stereotype has emerged,  surrounding ASDs. Connie says it well. We do need to use caution and common sense and not paint all people with ASDs with one brush. In addition, I recommend having conversations regarding possible stereotypes and similarities.  If there is someone with aspergers in your life–ask if they agree with the portrayal of ASDs in a book.

“This book claims to be in the mind of an autistic boy. I say claims to be because, after reading the author’s website and watching her video on the book, I am certain that the author is not, herself, on the spectrum. So what this book really is a book about a NT trying to pretend to be realistically autistic enough to write a book from the perspective of an autistic boy. A daunting task to be sure, and I start to ask myself – why? Why aren’t there more books by autistic authors? It’s not that there are no autistic authors at all – off the top of my head I can count seven or eight, and I know there are many more. If anybody is qualified to say what life is like as an autistic individual, surely it’s somebody who actually knows? “

Connie has made me commit to reading more books written by authors on the spectrum.  Because I work with these students every day, I sincerely want to understand, as best I can. I found a nice list of autobiographical books and non-autobiographical books written by people on the spectrum (http://tinyurl.com/342q8eh) . I also found Lindsay’s blog to be really interesting and will be reading it regularly from now on.

I brought up a similar subject in another blog post  (http://wp.me/pYHNm-19) regarding straight writers writing from a GLBT point of view.   I hope that as more and more traditionally marginalized authors write from their own point of view that it will inform those of us who want to understand better.  I also will continue to read and enjoy books that are well-written, by anyone who chooses to tackle difficult topics and various points of view.

Connie also writes:

“In addition to the number of books that purport to be written from an autistic perspective, there are a number of books with main characters who – if you know what you’re looking at – are almost *certainly* autistic, but the word is never mentioned.
As a rule, this latter category of books tends to be better. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because the focus is on the story rather than the message? “

I have often found the same thing to be true.  When my son was reading An Abundance of Katherines by John Green for his summer reading, he brought the book to me and told me I needed to read it because the kid in it looked like a kid with aspergers syndrome.  The book was engaging and interesting, in its own right, and the character of Colin is a multi-dimensional character, who also shows a lot of characteristics of a person on the spectrum. Connie mentions The Lemonade War by Jaqueline Davies and Emma-Jean Lazarus Fell out of the Tree by Lauren Tarshis as books which have characters who are probably on the spectrum, but with no mention of ASDs. in the books.  I’ve put both on my to-read list.

Anything but Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin

Jason considers himself to be atypical, but in many ways, he is like a lot of kids his age.  The story is a fairly simple one with no unusual twists or amazing adventures, just (dare I say?) typical sixth grade confusion and social life and crushes. Jason, a sixth grade boy with aspergers syndrome, struggles in school to fit in and make friends. He enjoys writing and posting his stories on an internet writing site called Storyboard and makes a friend (possibly a girlfriend?) online. When his parents surprise him with a trip to the Storyboard convention, Jason must face his terror of meeting his online friend in person.  A secondary theme is his relationship with his mother, who is sad and confused by his autism. As they travel together to the convention she learns to depend on his strengths to help her cope with her own traveling anxieties.

As an adult reader, I didn’t find the storyline to be particularly exciting, though I can see that for preteen kids for whom just fitting in and making friends is the main dilemma in life; it might be a perfect book. For an engaging story with a main character with autism spectrum disorder, I enjoyed reading Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine (http://wp.me/sYHNm-18) and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon much more.

I did enjoy how the author attempted to capture the voice and thought processes of Jason.  This is the most interesting part of the book for me. As a teacher, I could see my students in many of the situations that caused Jason to behave in seemingly inexplicable ways. It was a good reminder to me that what I see on the surface does not give the whole picture. My students may not be thinking the same things that Jason is thinking in a given situation, but they are thinking something that is very logical to them and have perfectly explicable explanations for their behavior.

I would recommend this book for adults who work with or live with kids with aspergers syndrome and for all tween kids (on the spectrum and not.) I think it would be a great way for a parent or teacher to begin a conversation with a child about differences in thought processes and communication styles. It might give a child with aspergers the language to discuss their own thought processes by comparing and contrasting them with Jason’s.  I’d really enjoy a conversation with someone on the spectrum about the authenticity of Jason’s voice.  I’d like to ask: “Does this seem real to you?” and “Does this ring true to your experience?”

Anything but Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin is recommended for ages 9-12 and is published by Simon and Schuster. I particularly enjoyed the cover and page illustration on the hardcover edition, which cleverly depicted Jason’s thoughts.

Killing two Birds with one Stone

One of the perks of being a teacher is summer vacation.  I had a killer year, with a new full-time teaching job at a new school, five graduate classes, and single parenthood with teenage kids. Those people close to me know that I was pretty strung out by the time school got out.  Hence, I had two official goals for the summer: learn to relax and to read for pleasure again.

In order to learn to relax, I intended to get back to my yoga and practice meditation. I’ve tried meditating before and, frankly, I suck at it.  I have a brain that never stops jabbering to me. I twitch, I itch and before I even know it, I am composing my “To Do” list in my head. With practice, I’ve gotten better, but it still is a lot of work and doesn’t really feel like it’s helping me relax.  The yoga has been more successful than the meditation, but still, I get sore muscles, I get shaky, and my breathing is ragged. I am not giving up on the idea of yoga and meditation—I still hope to someday become a competent mediator—but by far the most successful of my goals has been the reading one.

Imagine my amusement when I ran onto this article: http://tinyurl.com/ckm8s4 a few weeks ago.  Yeah, it is one of those “well, duh.” moments, but apparently, reading is a very good method of relaxing.  In a study commissioned by a chocolate company for an advertising campaign, just six minutes of reading lowered heart rate and muscle tension to levels lower than before the study began. Reading was more successful at helping subjects relax than listening to music, going for a walk or having a cup of tea. According to Dr. David Lewis, who conducted the study cited in the article:

“It really doesn’t matter what book you read, by losing yourself in a thoroughly engrossing book you can escape from the worries and stresses of the everyday world and spend a while exploring the domain of the author’s imagination. This is more than merely a distraction but an active engaging of the imagination as the words on the printed page stimulate your creativity and cause you to enter what is essentially an altered state of consciousness.”

Even without all the other benefits of reading, this makes reading a valuable activity for adults and for kids. Stress and anxiety disorders are a big problem for kids with disabilities and for some of them, slowing down is nearly impossible. Reading something interesting gives just enough mental stimulation to help those of us with active minds slow down and relax.

So there you have it, I killed two birds with one (unintentional) stone. Now pass the chocolate.